Non, maintenant, viens!

     Sometimes I feel it hard and a bit strange to explain why I'm fascinated by French culture. It seems to me that such a fancy is beyond description; or rather, it might be too embarrassing to do so, for the same reason that I dare not post the video below on my facebook and claim it's one of my favorite so-called chansons. Erotic as it is, what it brings to me is a pure sheer ecstasy of (making) love. For a long time, I had been someone that trusted in the pursuit of a real soulmate even finding "l'amour physique" unreal. Not until I was exposed to a great number of European films and some literary works did I come to realize the simple pleasure of it even though I still don't have an experimental spirit to give it a try. :p  For me, such an understanding is a shock, which helps me to explore within myself.

     I always love to take the film Quills for example. Like Maddy, who finds fancies in the Marquis de Sade's works, which helps her to continue being a woman of morals in real life, stimulated by erotology, I learn to listen to another voice in my body and pay attention to sensations to be a well-balanced person--mentally and physically--and thus have less desire. To me, desire comes from deficiency and wonders of the unknown. Being a pessimist, I assume that feeling tired and bored is an inevitable stage of a relationship and that passions come and go involuntarily and without control.  All beautiful things seem to exist for just a few moments and what we can really grab and grasp might be just a minute's feelings, which are so real though sometimes seemingly ugly like human nature. But this doesn't matter because as everything changes, it's no longer real something; that is, reality lives just for an instant. In this way, can anything else be more real than a sudden sensation? Sacred as love is, most of time, it derives from the spur of the moment. Thus, why do we need to be so hypocritical to ignore it? Holding this point of view, now I respect anyone that is honest enough to take sensation seriously and this perhaps explains my interest in French culture.

     To be frank, I've never been a fan of romantic atmosphere; that's too clichéd for me and I don't think a common stereotype of the French is correct. To me, it's not romantic but a clear and careful insight into everything in life and one's being, whether it be a metaphysical or an earthly one. I admire this way of living a life and I'm eager to get access to its essence. Perhaps Í'll never be a woman of loose morals without being restained and able to see relationships in easy ways, but I think the acquisition of empathy works too. Standing here overlooking there, the fantasies keep me going forwards.