Be calm, cool, and all collected!

現在還不是崩潰發洩甚至憶及過去清算的時候！

Thanks, dad, for letting me know how cool iI can be.

Plus, if all of it is merely the test of destiny, then I'm taking that and not gonna give up on it because it's not what I deserve.

I won't be defeated or even overwhelmed.

You know what, even thinking about how to deal with such a disturbing matter makes me feel as if I were really that weak and indecisive. Actually, I know for sure that such hesitation is not out of love, care or even sympathy(for you? no, if one day I say so, that's bullshit!), but a tendency to be kind and do so-called good things, as I always do. Put it simply, it's not for you but for myself; maybe for my own reincarnation or something like that. I know that's absurd because I study philosophy and don't believe in any religion, but somehow I just don't want to suffer from this karma thing.